Some would say you have “lived” your life; in your 40+ years on earth, you met and married the love of your life, you had children, you started your own company to much success…but they don’t talk about the loss of the love of your life….and the emptiness that has dwelled within you despite all the success.

Now, you’re at a time in your life where you truly know who you are, know what you believe, know what you want…and one thing you want is LOVE.

An old adage states you don’t find love; it finds you. It’s true. While you’re busy, looking for someone who is your age, who is established, mature, and cultured, love plops someone directly in your path that looks nothing like the image you’ve conjured up. Well, he could be that image, if he were 10, 15 years older.

People say that age ain’t nothing but a number, but when it comes to real love and relationships, is that really true?

So often, we see older men with younger women; we see it in the news (older male anchor, younger female anchor), we see it on TV programs, we read about it in books, we watch it in movies, etc. By the time we see it in real life, directly in front of us, it seems normal. It has become a staple in our everyday diet.

Flip the scenario, and you get a whole other reaction…What if he wants to have children? You know women mature faster than men do – how can he even reach your level? So, is he looking for another mother? You look good, girl, but you’re not 30 anymore. What can someone that young see in you? The sex might be good, but what else can he offer you? Are you so desperate that you’d steal from another mother’s crib? That boy is old enough to be your son’s best friend – that’s disgusting. You do know that when you’re 60, old, and wrinkled, he’ll still be fine and in his forties – he will leave you for another. So, you practicing the art of the cougar now?

Sad thing is many of these questions will come from the woman involved in the relationship. Just like women have been trained since birth to await Prince Charming, they have also been trained to wait for someone who is older, someone who can not only love them but also protect them.

It’s hard enough to discern love within yourself; it’s even harder when family and friends put their five cents into your love life and make you question the feelings you have for your younger mate.

In the end, despite what your family and friends think…despite the worrisome questions that flood your mind, you have to ask yourself, “Do I love him and is love enough?” YOU’LL have to look at your list of must-haves in a man and honestly assess the man before you. With his age out of the equation, is he the man that connects with you mind, body, soul, and spirit? If so, toss those worries away, and give the hand to every family member and friend who offers a disparaging word.

One woman I know who is going through this exact same issue – among others – is Ayo Montgomery, the strong-willed main character of Niambi Davis’ debut novel, FROM DUSK TIL DAWN.

Will Ayo let age be a deciding factor in finding AND keeping love a second time around? Read the book to find out…and then ask yourself, “What would I do?”

Niambi-Cover.jpg picture by ycoleman

From Dawn to Dusk
Niambi Davis
Parker Publishing, May 1st, 2008
$10.95 US; ISBN-10: 1600430368

About Niambi Brown Davis:
Niambi has written confessions for Dorchester, produced a digital novella for Arrow Publications, and worked as a publicist for Black Boaters Summit. She owns Sand & Silk, for which she produces her own line of handcrafted body products. From Dusk to Dawn is her first novel.

For more information on Niambi Davis, please visit:
To purchase From Dusk to Dawn, please visit:


  1. Hey, Shon: You did a fabulous job on the May/December dilemma. Thanks for joining the tour and for all those words of advice and support from “way back when.”

  2. I am one of those women and i have been married to him for 23 years. i decided i wanted to marry young for one when i retire he’ll still be working and of course this was b4 viagra, youth does have it’s benifits!

  3. I like being married to a man older than me. Is it impossible to see myself with someone younger, no not at all. But my preference of the older man will keep me from going that route. Right now that’s my take on it and I’ve been with the same person for 15+ years.

    There really isn’t anything wrong with it, if both parties involved is happy but for me I don’t want to have to change anything about me. I’m set in my ways. I already have kids that are out of diapers and off the breast. I don’t want to be damn near 50 starting that over again. Not for me, especially when I’m in my prime. But I have some years to go and my man is still going strong.

  4. Excellent response Shon!And I agree with Yaya…youth does have its benefits…and 50 ain’t the new 40 or 30…lol.

  5. Wow… excellent comments and great “Food for Thought” I love Shonnells ideas. I am still looking …


  6. Hey Miss Niambi, 🙂 And ladies. I have to admit, even in my not “that” old age of 35, I find myself attracted to younger men. I’m not exactly sure WHY that is, but it’s something I’ve been thinking more about since doing this commentary.

    Despite that attraction, I try not to go that route because at some point, young can be TOO young, lol…despite how GROWN he may look, LOL

  7. Hey again, Shon: I just, uh, happened to accidentally click on a piece of gossip instead of the latest campaign news (lol) It was the newly-divorced Mrs. H. Hogan and her new boyfriend. As the Trinis would say “buh whuh de hell is DIS?” Ma Hogan is 48 and boyfriend is 19! He was in school with her kids…That ain’t no cougar, that’s a sabre-toothed tiger…

  8. LOL@Niambi. Oh MY! Yes, she’s graduated beyond the PhD in Cougardom, for sure! I’m sitting here just shaking my head because like, what else do you do when 48 year old women are dating 19 year olds? *shrug*


  9. I had one with a 10 year gap, the brotha had skills, i found him the winter and got rid of him in the spring. 10 years for me was a bit much i am 5 years older than husband. it’s close enough where a lot of training was not needed.

    i was also one when much ypounger, i am 57years young, but we used to talk about the older woman and the younger man, i said never that for me, but time will often tell another story.

  10. u

    i’m currently married and my husband is 23 and i’m 38. This is by fair the most difficult thing i’ve ever had to deal with in my life. Some days I want out and then some i’m happy. I don’t know what I was thinking. I;ve dated younger men before and there are certain things you just expect. Well with my husband those things aren’t there. I mean it’s like i’m married to an 80yr old.
    I don’t have it in me to teach and he doesn’t have it in him to learn, he thinks he knows everything when he doesn’t.
    It’s horrible when everybody thinks you have a great sex life because you’re married to a younger man. That is not always the case.
    I don’t know if my marriage will last, we’re going on our second year. I do know that if it doesn’t I will not ever date another younger man. It’s to STRESSFUL

  11. have you guys tried perhaps counseling? at the end of the day, you need to have your list of MUST HAVES in a relationship, a marriage. if they are not being met and haven’t been met, then some intervening from a third party might prove beneficial.

  12. u

    we haven’t considered it. I’m hoping as he gets older he’ll mature more. I do believe that I should have waited. When I met him I had been celibate for over a year. My husband moved near me and we became friends. I was convinced at the time that he was the one. He had his own place, two jobs, a bank account and appeared to be more mature than his age. Well I found out later that he was baiting me. All that pretending ended once we were married. Now i’m here with someone who whines constantly, can’t have a meaningful conversation to save his life, and someone who refuses to listen or take advice from anyone even if he knows it’s in his best interest.
    I’ve thought of divorce but he is always saying things aren’t that bad and won’t even consider it. I don’t know if I can make it alone. My sons are grown and out the house and that would mean I would be living alone for the first time in my life.
    In my eyes I wanted to do what was right in God’s eyes and marry but I feel like I made a mistake. I have no one to blame, because I am a woman, I should have known better but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing.

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